"i am an imposter octopus"

My boyfriend is probably one of the last people on this earth to still have a tape player in his car. This is a wonderful thing because it allows me to engage in one of my favorite stress relievers/time wasters; mix taping.

Now, why, in this day and age, where one can simply drag mp3's into iTunes and hit "burn cd" do I allow myself the stress of having to get up and hit stop every time I want to switch to a different song, of having to make sure the volume is adequate...."leave your own argument for cds vs. tapes here".....?

Well, I already stated the first reason. My boyfriend has a tape player in his car. I don't think I need to go into how dismal the radio is these days, so we'll pass that and assume it's a given.

Also, I don't find the intricacies involved in making the perfect tape stressful. If anything, I find all of those little details relaxing.

So, today, I finished the fourth (or fifth?) tape in a series of tapes that have found themselves strewn about Matt's car. Here is the setlist for your viewing pleasure.




Later, I'll post some scans of the tape and the artwork. Till then, share with me your setlists....whether it be for cds or tapes or iTunes. Why did you make the _______? And most importantly, did creating it help you to relax?

I never tell people that I'm artistic. When they ask me what my hobbies are, I never list "art" or "drawing" or "painting" or "doodling" as one of them. I suppose this is because, in my head, for one to be a hobbyist, it is implied that they have some level of skill in their choosen hobby. I don't even begin to kid myself into thinking that I have a lot of skill as an artist. There are five year olds that can draw circles around me.

But, even with the knowledge that I am a poor artist, I will still sit down and doodle. And I will create something like this:



And although, my drawings aren't always the most relaxing of imagined creatures, creating them always seems to calm me.

your voice so smooth and sweet

Sometimes, in order to fully relax, I will need to let myself have a cathartic experience. I will need to cry and laugh and scream and sing and dance and at the end of all of that, I will feel cleansed and renewed.

Most of the time, I avoid music for this kind of experience. I absolutely love music, but I don't want a soundtrack for my life, because life isn't really like that. Most people listen to music like they use toilet paper. They use it for a specific reason and quickly flush it away when they're finished with it.

I try to listen to music in a variety of ways. I listen for the intricacies in the songwriting, the changes in time, the unique ways that an artist can sometimes command their intrument or their voice, a clever turn of phrase in the lyrics, or just the simple quality of the recording. Where was it recorded? Can I hear noise in the background? Most of the time, though, I try not to relate too personally to a song. Rather, I try to listen to the music for what it is and then attach my personal issues to it later.

Unfortunately, I can't listen to Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over the Sea without feeling like the album is speaking about my whole life. Sometimes it talks about my life in the simple swell of a trumpet. Or it's Jeff Magnum singing about tomatoes and radio wires. Either way, I allow myself some time every few months to just sit down with this album and listen, because it reminds me of a time in my life when I thought I would never make it. It reminds me that I am still here and I did make it.




I let go of every little memory that has ever hurt me. I smile through a song that reminds me of touching moments, of happier times. I relive every little tragedy with the knowledge that I persevered.

And I cry. And I laugh. And I scream. And I sing. And I dance. And in the end, I feel better for it.

And I relax.

What sort of albums, movies, books.....whatever.....help you experience a sort of catharsis?

I am a highly stressed and wound up person 90% of the time.

I've realized that this is not good for my health.

With that realization (as with most realizations) I've decided that I need to change things up a little. I am now on a mission to document what makes me relax, when I find I am feeling relaxed. (That is a horribly worded sentence. This does not make me feel relaxed! Grrr!) This way I can share my experiences with whomever comes across these words, and also...I can keep track of these things for myself, (selfish me! Ha.)

More later.

Just sit back. Relax. I will be right with you.